I guess it was an anxiety attack or a nervous breakdown. I had a throbbing headache. I cried and cried and wanted to drown in my tears. I wanted to shut up my mind with crying. I was hysterical. It may have started after you called me on the phone and told me you were back from Mexico. Or thinking that I could not possibly sink into your skin or any other human being, ever. What if people could melt into each other? I don't know. I wish you were here, anchoring me. I’ve lost my roots—how could I? Do you think god, at first, is like a plague? Or a lonely source of love that wants to be heard, wants to be touched? Whatever it was, I could not breathe and nothing but tears collapsed, gloriously with each heart pound waking and waking and waking over and over like a uterine nymph dying and opening its eyes, dying and opening its eyes in a godless room.